Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Man eats junk food, loses 27 pounds

Eat that, Michelle. Looks like Twinkies are no longer a threat to national security. Looks like you fat people are going to have to blame something else--like maybe yourself. I, myself, have been on this convenience store diet for years, and apart from the occasional numbness in my fingers and toes--I'm fine. I did feel my heart flutter once, but that was probably due to a solar flare or something. The point is--the point is--is that I'm 6'2 and 140 lbs. 

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Study: Alcohol 'most harmful drug,' followed by crack and heroin

Yeah, so what? The sun gives us cancer. All the good stuff is bad. If alcohol was good for us I'm sure we wouldn't have nearly as much fun drinking it. We all know you have to kill a few braincells to have a good time. Well that, and the five bucks for the six pack. I think that isn't too bad of a price for a night full of fun that you won't remember.

Woman Injects Self With Drugs From Son's IV At Children's Hospital

Now there's a mom who likes to party. $75,000 for bond seems kind of steep though--it's not like she was caught drinking.

Undefeated Youth Football Team Banned From Playoffs

I am tired of the pussification that is spreading all over today's youth. A fifth grade football team, The Sedalia Junior Outlaws, have been kicked out of the playoffs--an undefeated team--because the other teams said that they were too good. They didn't feel they could be competitive. I got an inspirational poster for ya: If You Suck, Try Harder.

Monday, November 1, 2010

Kentucky teen crowned Miss World

"It's a cliche', but this is a dream come true," she said crying. "I can't believe it's happening to me. My time has come. I'm lovin' it," said Alexandra Mills, the eighteen-year-old newly crowned Miss World. I wonder how much McDonald's paid her for the plug. Go figure--Miss World is a white blonde. She was never even Miss Kentucky, this rookie went straight to the big leagues--Kobe-style.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Anti-judge bus tour dwarfed by pro-retention rally

An out-of-state conservative Christian organization called the American Family Association is responsible for a new group in Iowa called Iowa For Freedom. Their quest for freedom has led them on a journey to deny the rights of gays in Iowa. They've raised $600,000 to convince Iowans to kick three judges off the court. The irony, of course, being that Iowa For Freedom is the one acting gay. But I guess according to their book, everyone is created equal. Unless you aren't white or like dick. Sorry Gays, God says you can't drive his caddy. I guess you just aren't dark enough.

Midwest Storms

Sounds like somebody's God is punishing them for allowing gay marriage...